Click here for printable version. An abuser's opportunities for help.   There are no guarantees that any program will work; a lot depends on your partner's motivation and capacity for change. But some programs work better than others. The ones that work well use the following standards: Your safety is the first priority. Programs should always assess your safety when communicating with you. A program should never disclose information that you have given them without your permission. A program should not misrepresent its ability to change his behavior. A program's definition of success is the quality of your and your children's lives, starting with safety. Lasts long enough. Change takes time. Programs should last at least 18 weeks and require at least 36 hours of participation during that time Ð in addition to any individual sessions that may be scheduled for orientation or evaluation. The longer the program, the better the chances are that he will change. A year or more in a program is preferable, although that is not always possible. Holds him accountable. The first step of accountability is that he takes responsibility for choosing to use violence in the relationship. A program should recognize that his behavior is the problem and will not allow him to use your behavior as an excuse. His violence is the problem, not you. Programs should hold him accountable for attendance, participation, and complying with the group's rules. (You can get a copy of the rules by calling the program.) The curriculum gets to the root of his problem. The content of the program is set up to challenge his underlying belief system that he has the right to control and dominate you. Programs that only address his anger, communication skills, and stress do not get to the root of his problem. Makes no demands on you to participate. You're not the one with the problem. Some programs offer groups for partners of batterers. Your participation is entirely optional. Don't let anyone lead you to believe that his progress is dependent upon your participation. Is open to your input. If you initiate contact with the program to ask questions or give input you think may be useful, a program should welcome your participation. This is different from requiring you to participate. Sometimes, a program may initiate contact with you to discuss your partner's behavior outside the program. You should not feel obligated to share information, especially if you feel it might create a risk of violence against you. Encourages follow-up support. Completing a program does not guarantee he will be nonviolent. Staying nonviolent can be a lifelong challenge. A program should promote self-help and social support beyond the duration of the program, in the form of activities such as community service or participation in self-help programs. Click here for printable version.